It’s been quiet around the blog for a few weeks, and truth be told, it’s been quiet around my house as well. I’ve had some blog posts prepared, but it just didn’t feel right to share them during this time of uncertainty. I couldn’t bring myself to pretend that everything was okay when it wasn’t.
While things have been quiet in the literal sense, my mind has been the complete opposite. Constantly thinking, worrying, and stressing, all while trying to tell myself to stay positive, to be calm, to stop worrying…that everything is going to be okay.
As I walked out of the doctor’s office two weeks ago the only thing I kept thinking to myself was, “I’m 28. I’m only 28.” I tried to think positive and tell myself that it was “no big deal,” however, I was completely blindsided by the news my doctor shared. My thoughts turned to my sweet husband and all of our adventures, as well as the many adventures that are planned over the next few years–I didn’t have time for this news. And my heart broke when I thought about my family and how I would tell them what was going on–I knew that was going to be the hardest part.
After the appointment I called my mom and tried not to cry, but as I told her the situation and mumbled the words, “Mom, I’m really scared…”, I broke down. I’ve admitted on the blog before that I feel like I have too many places to explore and not near enough time, and now that fact was more real than ever.
Between the appointments and the stress over the last two weeks I’ve had time to reflect. To think about life and how precious it really is. I’ve had time to think about my family and friends, and about my sweet husband and how supportive and loving he is, even in times when I probably don’t deserve it. I’ve thought about how many amazing adventures I’ve had over my short–yes, short–little life, and how grateful I feel for all of those opportunities.
I worried about telling too many people the details of my situation as I didn’t want them to stress, and I didn’t want people to think I was feeling sorry for myself. Even on my worst days, I know that others have it much worse than I do, but that didn’t stop me from feeling scared and anxious. I couldn’t help but think that people my age should be going in for an ultrasound to celebrate life and a pregnancy, not to diagnose a tumor.
As an adrenaline junkie, I’m always searching for the next thrill; but this news rocked me to my core, and for once in my life I was truly terrified.
I try to keep this blog a happy, positive space, spreading my love of travel with like-minded travelers, but today I’m sharing a part of this personal journey because life isn’t always beaches and endless adventures. Life is incredibly precious and circumstances can change quickly.
I’m hoping that by the time our Christmas trip to Maui rolls around, the hardest and scariest parts will be behind us. Based on my appointment this morning, it sounds possible. I’m looking forward to heading back to my favorite place in the world with my favorite person in the world to celebrate a clean bill of health, and most importantly to celebrate a new-found appreciation for life and the amazing adventures that follow.
Life has taken on a whole new meaning…Tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone.